I spent my Friday night with a good friend battling cancer. We ate cookies, drank wine and of course watched Newsies. Who knew it was a favorite of both of ours! In between musical numbers (we were singing along) we talked about life and how it can really blow. He had just posted on his blog writing not of how strong he felt or how hopeful he was – but of how he was starting to lose faith. Not only a few months ago he had posted “Cancer can take so much from anyone but it can only take hope if you let it”. The same enthusiasm was not reflected in this post.
When I went over to his house, I just wanted to put him in a box and make everything better but what we found was that being normal was the best medicine for how he felt. I haven’t been myself lately and feeling or acting “normal” has been difficult. I will never forget his words “I just want normal 27 year old problems.” I often have the same sentiment and simply replied – “no shit man, life can really suck.”
Today he was told that this last round of chemo was not effective as they found another tumor. No amount of laughter and chocolate chip cookies can make up for the feeling he has at this moment. He’s not going to stop fighting of course, but it just feels like another blow to his hope. What I have learned is that we all have our own fights – sometimes it just sucks when we are paired with unworthy opponents.
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at stars.” Oscar Wilde