Top 5 Ideas to Write Taylor Momsen Off Gossip Girl

taylor momsen

Dear Lil J,

You’re 15  years old and you have a BAD ATTITUDE.  Miley might have sold out, but she also does not talk like a sailor.  You need your mouth washed out with soap.

“To be honest, I don’t fucking care [about being a role model]. I didn’t get into this to be a role model. So I’m sorry if I’m influencing your kids in a way that you don’t like, but I can’t be responsible for their actions. I don’t care. … Honestly, if I’d have ended up as Hannah Montana, I don’t know if the show would have gone as well. I probably would have told them all to go fuck themselves by the time I hit 11. And I don’t know how that would have gone down. It’s great for Miley, but I really like where I am right now and I feel really fortunate to be able to really be myself.” —Taylor Momsen

Read more: Taylor Momsen Is Not a Role Model — Vulture

In lieu of her nastiness in the press I’ve decided to come up with my top 5 ways the writers can get rid of Jenny Humphrey.

1.  Boarding School in CT after getting arrested with the chauncy speed dealer

2.  Lil J. goes on a bender after trying out the goods she’s pushing and doesn’t sleep for two weeks (her eye make up is everywhere).  Rufus and Lily have no choice but to drag her to the same hospital Eric went to when he attempted suicide.  Oh the irony!

3.  She gets hit by the cross town bus and they don’t even use up an minutes of the precious episode with a funeral.

4.  She just disappears inexplicably like the mom on the Fresh Prince and she’s replaced with Miley Cyrus.  No one’s asking any questions as to why Jenny’s hair is brown and she sounds like a 50 year old smoker.

5.  She is forced to live with her mother and go to public school and all of her designer clothes are donated to the good will in Long Island City.


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