I have not been a Bachelor/Bachelorette follower since the beginning of time. I pick and chose seasons wisely, as I would anything, based upon how legit the Bach is. For example I didn’t even start watching Bachelor until season 8 featuring Travis Stork. It was love at first sight as the tall, handsome ER doctor put every Bachelorette under a spell that made them consistently produce word vomit. He clearly wasn’t into any of them and ended up not proposing or even dating the winner. Good news for me…I stalked TS until he got his own show called The Doctors that I secretly DVR and put on mute while I’m doing push up and sit ups.
I skipped Lorenzo because he was such a complete tool and wouldn’t kiss any of the girls (gay) and was pleasantly surprised when they found Andy Baldwin, who was such a dork but super hot to look at. I skipped Brad Womack, thank goodness because he didn’t choose either of the final two girls and I tuned in to Matt Grant because he had an English accent. Jason Mesnik got the automatic “no thanks” since he had a kid.
I don’t believe you can find love in the short amount of time they give you on the show, BUT I keep holding out for that one season that really surprises me by hooking up two completely normal people. Enter Jillian Harris. As I earlier blogged, she seemed like a completely normal and adorable girl from the very start. She wears Milly for Pete’s sake! What I should have realized is NO ONE WHO IS NORMAL GOES ON THESE SHOWS. Even my dear Reid…I thought was the shit and then makes a complete bafoon out of himself when he flies back to Hawaii, which was about a 12 hr flight from Philly, wearing Chuck Taylor’s thinking he’s going to win Jillian back?! Come awwnnn buddy!!! I was on team Reid!!!
I’m not going to comment on Jill’s family meeting the last two men because I think the whole idea is moot. They all think it’s a bad idea for her to even be on the show, so now it’s just a matter of who they think it less of a bad decision? I don’t buy it.
Kipton really had no clue where he even was. For half the season I think he thought he was on the Amazing Race and to be honest I think it’s a safer venue for him. He wasn’t going to win and we all knew that when he pulled up in the limo first. I would like to thank ABC for making me sit through an hour and half of Ed and Kipton before they let Reid back on! Seriously and then he shows up in the red mini van cab? Did he come right from the airport? Was he staying at the Fairmont at least? Reid is sweating his cahones off (literally he has to wipe the sweat every couple minutes) as he tried to tell Jill that he made a mistake. She denies him because she’s “madly in love” with Ed. I wasn’t completely convinced Ed was a robot until it was time to choose the ring. I’m not sure how it happened but ABC let a pear shaped diamond into the mix of gorg cushion and princess cuts. When they first show it, I think there is no way Ed’s going to pick that one he just CAN’T. When he proposes Jillian at this point is completely emotionally drained from being duped thrice times over by ABC with their antics and can’t even see what he even has in his hands and it serves her right! Can a sister get some PINOT?!?!?
Really the main reason I didn’t want Ed to win was because I didn’t feel like looking at his face on the cover of US Weekly for the next four weeks. NO THANK YOU.
Just when my nerves have calmed and my heart beat has steadied I hit the “live” button and we’re half way into “Dating in the Dark”. Is this really happening or am I in some sort of warped nightmare? I will say this one more time, NORMAL PEOPLE DO NOT GO ON THESE SHOWS.
So ABC, I tell you this: unless you choose Reid for the next Bachelor (they will probably go ahead and do something stupid and pick jerk me off Jake) I will not be tuning in. I appreciate your support over the years and the TGIF days, but until further notice I’m out.